my deferral request for minnesota law school has been granted! that means 3/4 of the next four years of my life have been figured out. oh my.

it will be chilly. thats a fact. but i'm excited.

So much to say. But I can't seem to put it into words.

so much going on: passover. visit to minneapolis. israel next year? work getting crazy. springtime! lots of visits from lots of people. opening up and getting settled in chicago, just in time to leave.

I just went through a bunch of my old livejournal posts from the beginning of college. All I have to say is, I've come a long long way, and i've still got more growing to do.

Life is hectic, but i'm excited because:

parentals here this weekend
DC next weekend
Noa and Zai (?) the weekend after.

yay!

for everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

i'm scared.

of the jewish path i'm on. of having to make a decision about where i'm going and what kind of jew i want to be. i feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. on the one hand, i feel like i have one hand tied behind my back, that i can't push myself further, can't take aliyahs, or learn to lead services, or read torah in the environment that i want to be in. on the other hand, i believe myself to be authentically jewish and completely jewish. i used to get angry when people would suggest it. doing this would be some sort of acknowledgement that maybe i'm not. i feel that i am just feeding the fire that i so desperately want to put out in the jewish community.

i'm scared.

that i'm taking risks simply to avoid facing reality. i don't know what i'm doing next year. i don't know if i should go to law school now or later. i feel like i need a plan, a course, a reason to do what i want to do.

Law school acceptances are coming in.

its weird, because i don't want to go next year, and will likely defer. but its flattering and interesting nonetheless.

so far, in at tulane (with some scholarship $$) and minnesota.

yay fast turnaround.

i hate windchill. weather.com tells me that it is currently 0 degrees outside, with a windchill of -19 degrees. grossness. although (and i was having this discussion earlier today) everytime i go out in this kind of weather, I psych myself out to the point that when i go outside i'm like, oh its not actually as cold as i thought it would be. apparently this is a really crappy winter. yay!

'twas a lovely, although rather uneventful weekend this weekend. february is just a gross month in general so i'm looking forward to it being over.

also: obama sweep this weekend whee.

What I want to do with my life:

1) Change the world
2) fall in love (with someone who is willing to make it work)
3) explore the entirety of the United States

Seriously.

I have started getting really interested in the idea of community building, particularly within the Jewish community, and particularly how it relates to social change and effecting change. I'm interested in ways in which the Jewish community can be deepened and start acting on important local political issues as opposed to simply sticking with the israel issue or acting on global social justice issues (also important, but i'm a believer in think globally, act locally and change starts at home) I would love to make transforming the somewhat stagnant jewish community from within a part of my life. Although it is a potential for a career, i think this sort of work will stay as a part of my civic life.

I'm pretty sure I still want to go to law school. I think that i want to do social change law - by that i mean work on poverty law or housing law or immigration law and try to affect systemic legal change. not one of the more lucrative legal careers and i'll bet one of the more competitive, so we'll see.

its weird to have this kind of clarity.

I would like to reiterate: I don't hate Hillary. Not in the least. I believe she would make a fine president. I was even a Hillary supporter in the way early days of her campaign.

But I don't see her as right for me, or for america at this moment in time. I believe in Obama for reason's i can't even begin to explain - reasons having to do with feelings in my gut and in my heart and in my soul.

We had an interesting discussion today at work about how Obama uses organizer-speak. he talks about the power of many, about believing in yourself. Them's fighting words. and they speak to an inherent belief that people have power.

While i know at the end of the day, super tuesday didn't change much, i have an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I am disappointed and saddened by the California results. I believe Californians are better than that. i understand in my head why people would vote for Clinton. But my heart doesn't get it. My heart says, don't people realize their own potential, and the potential that exists for America? I am sick and tired of people not willing to take a risk to make things better in their own lives, and that extends far beyond politics. I want to shake people and say 'i believe in you, what is stopping you from believing in yourself?'

By the way, I realized the other day that i know what I want to do with my life, as crazy/insane as that might be. I shall go into more detail at a later date, or feel free to ask me about it...

chicago from the sky, on our way to baltimore (credit: jess)

Every so often, I question my support for Obama. I wonder if i'm too quick to make a judgement, if i shouldn't be putting more emphasis on experience or on issue specifics. And then it hit me. Supporting Obama is taking a risk. A risk that says, I haven't seen the future yet, but I know this nation can be better. I know this world can be better. But to get there takes a gamble. A vote for Hilary is a vote for the Democrats status quo. We'd be ok with a Hilary presidency (much better than we are now, thats for sure) but we as a country wouldn't be moving forward. We'd be stuck in a partisan muck for who knows how long. But it would be ok. For me, Obama is about the possibility of moving beyond that. About redefining america itself. Changing the way we look at the rest of the world, and ourselves. And yes, its a risk. And yes, we might fail. But we'll never know our true potential unless we take that chance. Shoot for the moon, land among the stars.

Si se puede. Yes we can.